Kaydra is from Boston, Massachusetts and was a part of IGNITE Class 14. She spent her field time in Uganda, Africa! She will be returning in January as a part of the IGNITE 2.0 program at the ministry headquarters in Montana.
I remember believing that the broken pieces of my life could never be mended back together, that I would forever be glued to a vortex of hurt and pain. I remember being as James and Jude, who grew up with Jesus but never knew Him. I never knew the God I claimed to believe in and I surely never knew the endless amount of grace and mercy that was bestowed on my behalf, even through my wandering. IGNITE was my divine intervention to stop wandering and to heal from a past that was less than ideal. I ran into the loving arms of Jesus Christ surrendering my heart, mind, and soul to the only One who could transform my life and make me whole.
The most impactful moments in IGNITE were during my field time in Uganda. For the first three months after landing, I found that I had created a barrier between myself and those around me. Though externally it may have appeared differently, I was isolated, alone, and miserable. Misery was where I found comfort in a life that had no meaning. I was battling against God and the longing to be different. Why? Because if I could no longer be the “victim” then who could I possibly be? As the days dragged on, other situations and circumstances arose that drove me farther and farther away from the people who wanted nothing other than to see the Lord do great work in my life, if only I would surrender to Him. The Lord continued to bless me immensely, even giving me the opportunity to assist teaching in middle class during the week. As I sat in and helped the teachers with these rambunctious children, the Lord broke through to me as I witnessed child-like faith put into action. These children relied on us for all of their needs; when they sobbed, we were there to comfort them, and when they made mistakes, we were firm to correct them. What a beautiful picture this painted, as I realized that the Lord isn’t looking for beauty, success, or wealth, but complete and utter dependence on Him. Watching these children gave me hope in a life of simplicity, showing me that access to the Lord requires me to simply walk through the door at street-level, exactly as I am.
Though there were many breakthroughs, there was still one area in my life that hindered me greatly. It wasn’t until August that I was brought to a crossroads where I could either choose the Lord and surrender completely or pack my bags and fly home. The Lord had been knocking on the door of my heart for the majority of my life, and I chose to ignore Him every time, but at this point, I believe, He had had enough of me thinking I could have victory in my own strength. As I witnessed this event unfold before me, I realized I was no longer in control. As I look back, I still can’t fathom the amount of love the Lord has for me to have brought me to the end of myself; this was grace extended and mercy overflowing. I chose the Lord. I chose freedom. I chose to surrender. The Lord used the remaining two months of my field time to break down the walls that I had built up in hopes of protecting myself. I noticed each day my heart becoming softer than the day previous as His heart became mine. I was no longer battling against God because I was battling with Him alongside me.
I remember waking up one morning refreshed, forgetting the feeling of misery. I remember breathing in the Ugandan air and praising God because, through Him, I was a new creation, sanctified by the blood of Jesus Christ. The failures of my past no longer defined me because I was set free, and who the Son sets free is free I N D E E D. I am currently interning at my home church in Danvers, Massachusetts where I continue to grow in the Lord through His Word. Though it is an uphill battle, it is a battle nonetheless as I must choose every day to pick up my cross and walk with Him and every day, it’s worth it.
I am but clay in the Potter’s hand.
Thank you, Potter’s Field Ministries and Sponsors!
’Til the Whole World Hears